You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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