My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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