in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Shame - the story of my life.
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