If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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