yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
