I want to make a zoo with you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
