Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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