please come you make the beer taste better
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
