I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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