He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
