He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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