we have pet lesbian snakes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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