Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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