there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
