Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
