True but thats because hes a fetus.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
