non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
