Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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