It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
