its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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