It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sext me about skeletons
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
