Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
