It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this will be a night to untag.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
