3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
