The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
