I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
