So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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