woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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