I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My life is pants optional.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
