he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
