She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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