i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
