i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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