Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
