kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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