I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
