Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
