Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
