The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
