Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
