We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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