I want to have your abortion
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you would pick up someone in the library
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
