Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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