OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
