Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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