We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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