ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
