I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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