Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
