The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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