Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
